I couldn’t take it anymore

I couldn’t take it anymore. I was missing him so much. Just the thought of holding him, the memories of his kiss, his voice. I needed Sam more than anything. A anchor in My heart, I actually felt as if I was going to drown in within Myself if I had to wait another day before holding him in My arms.
A vision of being with him was like a glorious illumination spreading across a plentiful green valley, sunlight baking the earth below it. Lush green grass dancing to a graceful blowing wind, each reflecting the light that shone from above in a cloudless blue sky. Colorful flowers dotted green hills, as butterflies scurried from pedal to pedal, a dance to nature’s beautiful song of life. Surly, this was in honor of having My dearest Sam with Me once more. But then I realized it was all a dream, one to be consumed by a dark volcanic cloud. Evil encompassig it, devouring the fire which boiled within it.
At My feet, blades of grass begin to whither, whither as if having the very life drawn out of them. Then the dotting flowers are set ablaze, an orgy of flickering flames stretching across the land one by one. The sight of the butterflies wrenching in air, as their bodies are ravaged by spawning black locusts tearing them apart from the inside out. All because Sam wasn’t with me.
But then I heard his voice.
“My Queen,” he hissed.
I shot from My slumber with My chest actually fighting to find breath. I’d been
asleep, but was now awakened by his voice. Then I saw him. Simply a black void hovering over Daniel’s thin sleeping frame, it was nothing, no, more than nothing. It was the Great Void. It was the
utter darkness. It was him.
It was Sam.
“S-Sam,” I whispered.
My eyes were dilating, and My body quivered with joy, sadness, guilt…love. I was afraid of him. Here I’d been waiting, working so damn hard just for him to answer me, and when he finally does I’m too afraid of what he’ll do that I can’t say a single word.
The one who resurrected Me in his image, gave Me power beyond compare…made me a Queen.
Did he still love me, I wondered.
“He’s lovely, isn’t he?” I forced Myself to ask. “Young, beautiful, strong…blonde. Just the way you like them.”
“A mournful soul at best,” he spoke.
It had been such a long time since I’d heard his voice, I actually cringed on the bed. Pulling My knees close to My chest as I sat there waiting for him to look over at me.
“Surly, Lilith. You could’ve done better,” I thought I heard him scoff. “But I guess he’ll do, if this is what mortals are peddling as beauty these days.”
“You don’t like him?” I asked with trembling tone.
“I don’t like any of them, My little prized Queenie. But in the end, My beloved, such manner of a being was christened by My hand. Upon him I placed duties of vanity decreed freedom. And now…now pour forth like blood from a wound to make him My dress.”
I was frozen. My eyes beholding his void expanding in My direction.
“Like one who gasps for air when his throat has been cut, I’ve thought about You every single day for the past 700 years, Lilith,” he confessed when approaching me. “I don’t do that for just anybody.”
“Am I just “anybody”?” I tried to grin.
“Are you making a joke right now, Lilith?” he sounded confused.
All of the sudden, My stomach cramped in its pits, seizing My rightful ability to speak another word.
“O’ My Queen, I know the desires of the heart,” he whispered. “Even one as sullied as Yours. For such desires are worn on the likes of You as filthy rags on a begger? You don’t call Me because you love Me. You’re calling me because you miss
companionship.”
I braced Myself, placing a shield of defiance before Me.
“Such things I do in mere passing!” I cried through the agony he was putting on me. “It will pass. With you here I don’t have to feel that anymore!”
“Ah, but that doesn’t mean you love me, does it, Lilith?” he challenged. “But that’s okay, I guess. In the end, you simply can’t get over the pike that takes you back to Paradise.”
The affront tore at My very soul, consuming Me with disgust for him. And though I might have been missing some frivolous things about being with him, his words were still insulting. But I accepted that I deserved it. 700 years without a single ‘hello’, he was bound to be a bit angry with Me.
I haven’t loved any other man,” I growled. “Such things are for the mortal heart, and are unworthy of being cradled in the bosom of one such as I.”
“Examine yourself, Queen of the Abyss,” he warned. “Rejoice greatly, O’ Queen of
Condemnation. Shout, O’ daughter of the Void. Wasn’t it Me who rose You above His glory? He was just in His judgment against You, but in Me You found great appeal. For a trespass against me, I will cut away Your life. I will do battle with Your soul. For trespass
against Me, I will rage great turmoil and grief. So you better not be playing any games.”
And right then it was made clear to Me. Sam wasn’t angry, he was scared. He was scared that I was going to hurt him again. That I was such a cruel bitch, that I only summoned him because I wanted to break his heart again.
“I would never betray you,” My words flowed without a hint of fear.
The darkness within Me was enticed to crush any doubt in his heart. My poor Sam, the one I’ve always loved, I scared him.
“I do all to pleasure you, Sam. My existence is merely for your satisfaction…I love you, you idiot.”
He was silent for a moment. The nothing before me hovering, thinking, trying so hard to trust me again.
“If what you’re saying is true, then make haste, My Queen,” he hissed, inching towards My lips. “Make haste.”
He kissed Me. Something I hadn’t felt for so long, Sam was finally Mine again. Then in the blink of an eye, I was all alone. We’ll, Daniel was there, but I was still alone once again.
My skin glistened in the moonlight with cold beads of sweat, as My chest rose and fell from the forbidden kiss still in control of Me. I then examined the slumbering mortal beside me, his soul a calling temptation to attempt bringing Sam over at that very second. But Daniel wasn’t ready, and would only perish if I didn’t do this right. So I spared his hotness for now. But soon enough, Sam would be by my side, and I could stop being so damn lonely.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was missing him so much.
Lilith’s journal (A Tale of the Fallen: Lilith coming soon)
© Grace Charles