President Trump on the need for both Israel and Pallywood to make compromises for peace:
“ Israel must leave Gaza. You did that already in 2005? The Jews must accept a two-state solution. You really did that already in 1937? Boy, that was long before twitter.”
“Pallywood, instead of reading Hitler’s Mein Kampf, you will receive a signed first edition of my new modest autobiography “My life with Donald and Me”.
“Abbas, instead of living off EU funds, I will teach you how to make your own money. If you disappoint me, you will be fired.”
“Pallywood, you need to let go of your urge to hate and kill Jews. I know it isn’t easy. After my messy divorce with Ivana, we both wanted to drop each other from the top of Trump Tower.”
“Believe me, peace between Israel and Pallywood is peanuts compared to peace between Trump and the Clintons and CNN.
“I have decided to postpone the move of the US embassy to Israel’s capital Jerusalem so it will coincide with the arrival of the Jewish Messiah. Believe me, it is frustrating since I am not used to wait for anyone.”